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If men would just listen
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.
Thought For the Day:
If men would just listen
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter". Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars-- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
Have Ya Ever Wondered?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's
butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it
doesn't work anymore?
If Wile Coyote had enough money for all the Acme products,
why didn't he just buy dinner?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the
shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
Do one-legged ducks swim in circles?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have a 's' in it?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
And who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my.
Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"