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Thread: Random Stuff

  1. #11
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    Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

    Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?

    Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check?

    Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the first end you try?

    How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?

    Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    And my FAVORITE¶
    The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.
    If they're OK, then it's you.

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  3. #13
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    ...that last one was a classic "Snuke"!!


  4. #14
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    [img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IVoMJmfo7A0/SKB6fLCGsBI/AAAAAAAAANo/CV93f3f4n8c/s400/*****.jpg[/img]



    [img]http://bravopua.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/motivation-*****.jpg[/img]




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  6. #16
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  7. #17
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  9. #19
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    The Country and Western Billboard recently published their list of the top 25 songs of all time. Deciding amongst all the great 'cryin and whinin' songs were tough, but they were up to the task. It's amazing they were able to make a decision amongst all these wonderful songs...

    25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
    24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
    23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
    22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
    21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.
    20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
    19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
    18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
    17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
    16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
    15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
    14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
    13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
    12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
    11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
    10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
    9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
    8. Please Bypass This Heart.
    7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
    6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
    5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
    4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
    3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
    2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

    And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is...

    1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few.

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    Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
    First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.

    'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'

    The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?'
    'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.'

    'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector
    'Thought he was having his picture taken.'

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